Calvary or Catastrophe

After being asked yet again to ride to the rescue on a project for a group I belong to, I began to think about all the ways we torture ourselves and why we do it.

Today's scenario: A project that has been in the works for months now is fast approaching its deadline. Until this week, I have had minimal involvement and others that stepped forward to spearhead the project have been uncommunicative up until now. "Now" is of course the moment when you realize that the entire project is going to hell in a hand basket. So what do you do? Do you step in and help? Hope others will take care of the problems? Let it all fall apart knowing that it is not your fault, hopeful that a lesson is learned?

I am a firm believer that in this word there are doers and hiders. Neither is ultimately good or bad, just different. The doers are the folks that are always on the board of an organization, the ones that show up to re-paint playgrounds, collect fundraising money, write grants and coach teams. The hiders show up, help if they are directly asked and happily go about their business. I happen to be a doer who is currently looking for a transfusion of hider. And here is why ~ doers are never really sure why they are the way they are. We do not want rose petals thrown at our feet, but we do get frustrated when the same 5 people volunteer to do all of the work time after time. Another big secret: a big part of being a doer is the inability to have an idiot trying to tell me what to do. Some times it is better to be in charge and lead a project then restrain yourself from stabbing some twit, with no organizational skills or concept of time, in order to stop them from making everyone else's life harder. It's a double edged sword really....

And before I get a lot of hate mail for the hiders out there......I already know what you are going to say, so lets just get the truth out there right now.....YOU ARE NOT TOO BUSY TO HELP! You're not, sorry. You can use that as your beard and try to convince the poor woman that had sunk 3 months of her life into creating a paper mache float for your daughter's class, but she won't buy it and neither will I.
This is why~ every doer that asks for your help is just as busy, if not busier than you are.
 Take me for example: I have a husband, 2 kids under the age of 12 and a large dog. My husband works 10 hour days, I own my own business and also substitute teach (grades pre-k to 12 plus special needs) I am active in church, help my dad with his business, am on the PTA, handle the spartan label redemption program for the local elementary school, my kids have swim lessons, play hockey and soccer and I am the VP of the board of CAHA, along with being a team manager and my husband coaches (as have I in the past) I have participated in every bake sale, fundraiser, hockey tournament, and many other things that involve a truck load of glitter and the kind of nightmares only Tim Burton could dream up. I am sure you are as busy as I am, but the point here is: I do all this and I still help out, you are NOT too busy unless you are an on-call brain surgeon. At least tell the truth, You just don't want to. At least that I can respect. Then I would leave you to enjoy your committee-free smirk served up with a side order of shame.

This all leads to the crux of my issue. Do I ride to the rescue each and every time because it's the right thing to do or because I like the feeling of riding to the rescue? Do I like to stock-pile favors or is it just about trying to be a good person? And if I, as my husband suggests, step back instead of stepping in, will I have just earned some free time for myself, or will I be teaching others an important lesson about following through on their own commitments? We preach over and over again that we need to let our kids fail if they are going to learn anything and grow as individuals, does this still apply to adults that consistently bite off more than they can chew? Do I let them fail a couple time so they quite asking me to ride to the rescue? Do I really want them to?

If the doers stopped doing, would that force the hiders' hand, or would things just not get done? Would our clubs, organizations, groups and teams be worse off if we all became hiders? Or would it just be less complicated? Would we appreciate each other more, judge each other less?

In the world of parenting, is it better to be the stress-out calvary or the damsel in distress?

So What Do I Do With All This Junk?!

Hello MIG Fans!
Today's Spring Cleaning Tip is all about where to stick it....your extra junk that is.
Here is a list and links to some wonderful sites and business that will gladly take the extra stuff your spring cleaning flurry leaves you with. Who knows, you might get a clean house and some extra cash out of it  ~

Gazelle
http://www.gazelle.com
Gazelle will buy most Apple products (iPhones, iPads, iPods, Macbooks, Macs, and a select group of other smartphones. (Make sure the model number on your items matches the one they buy exactly!) You find you gadget on their site, answer some questions about your item and ship for free (for items worth more than $1) then get paid. This is a great way to get paid for your Apple products if you upgraded at Christmas or have just bought a new model.
http://www.buymytronics.com is another website with a similar format


Dress for Success Michigan
http://www.dressforsuccess.org/affiliate.aspx?sisid=41&pageid=1
The mission of Dress for Success is to promote the economic independence of disadvantaged women by providing professional attire, a network of support and the career development tools to help women thrive in work and in life. They need contemporary, interview-appropriate, skirt and pant suits, crisp blouses, blazers and jackets, professional shoes handbags and briefcases, along with coats for all season (they particularly need larger sized suits and apparel). Here is the contact information for the Michigan affiliate:  michigan@dressforsuccess.org, (734) 712-0517

Gamestop
http://www.gamestop.com
Do you have a kid or a husband? Then you probably have a pile of videogames that they tried once and hated, or simple are played-out on (I mean, how many times can you save that princess?). If you have never been in your local gamestop, take a look, in addition to games for all the major gaming consoles and hand-held games, most accept and sell things like iPods (I have been eye-balling a re-furbished iPod that I want for my birthday that is a fraction of the price of a new one) And they guarentee all of their pre-used items, so no worries that you are buying a piece of crap. If you have a stack of games or a gaming console (wii, gameboy, etc) that you no longer want, take them into your nearest Gamestop and tell them you want to trade them in. They will give you a value, you decide if you want the offer (they do not negotiate, it's a take the offer or walk situation) and if you do, they will give you a gift card with that value on it ( I love to take games in and use the gift cards as gifts to my son and nephew for birthdays, etc).


Consignment Stores
Everyone knows how much I love selling stuff on consignment, and I still think it is the best way to make extra cash or "trade in" items and clothes that your family no longer needs or wants. Do an online search for consignment store in your area or look in the phone book. Make sure the store "matches" you. If you have mostly dressy women's things to consign, don't take them to a shop that has mostly kids clothes in the window. If you have a mountain of baby stuff, look for a shop that deals mostly with children's apparel and gear. Know what sells: don't drop off your power suit with should pads that has been in the closet for 15 years, they will just throw it away. Also, no fading, stains, tears, etc. If you want it to sell, it needs to be sellable. Call ahead and ask about their policies, then it's full steam ahead!


The Salvation Army & Goodwill
http://www.use.salvationarmy.org/use/www_usn20.nsf
With more than 2,300 donation droop-off locations in North America, this is a wonderful charity to donate gently used clothing, furniture and household items to. You can even call 1-800-728-7825 to discuss a free pick up of your items (or just call your nearest location) 

http://m.goodwill.org
Not only is Goodwill a tried and true place to donate your no-longer needed items, you can also check out their auction website at http://www.shopgoodwill.com for those of you in a hurry to replace the stuff you just off-loaded.

Craigslist
http://www.craigslist.org/about/sites
One of the best places to sell you stuff. I have lost track of the stuff I have sold on craigslist, from treadmills to hunting gear to snowboards. It is great for those folks that are nervous about shipping something or waiting for payment. Someone in your area can show up, check out your stuff, then hand over cold hard cash (I always recommend cash or money order only, do NOT take checks from strangers) Make sure to meet people at a nearby gas station or grocery store parking lot so you don't have to worry about strangers in your home. Setting up an account is easy and free, posting is a simple set by step process they walk you though, here is an example of a simple ad~
http://nmi.craigslist.org/atq/3615202720.html
p.s. if your stuff does not sell right away, make sure you have a realistic price on it (do a search to see what compaible items are going for) and re-fresh your ad so it does not expire.

Freecycle
http://www.freecycle.org
I am a happy member of Freecycle and it is another great way to make sure your spring cleaning leftovers don't end up in a landfill. The Freecycle network is made up of 5,086 groups with 9,340,043 members around the word. It's a grassroots, nonprofit movement of people giving and getting stuff for free in their own towns. Membership is free and each local group is moderated by local volunteers. Search for your community on their website today to get started. You can post you items (I have even seen where the person "giving" lets the person "getting" know the day to get stuff and leaves it on the porch or in the front yard, no muss, no fuss) and if someone wants them, they can pick up or you can drop off. You can even sign up for emails that let you know each week what the items available in your area or what folks are currently looking for.

Don't forget the old standbys~ Your local newspaper & Facebook
I have sold several things in our local newspaper. This is a great option if you are getting rid of items like lawnmowers or you son's set of rims. Check out the fees and terms online or by calling your local paper. For example, my local paper will let you post an item for free that you are charging $300 or less for. Since I can fill out the form online, that is a whole lotta reach for my items for zero $ and a few minutes of my time.
It takes about 5 seconds to make a post for Facebook if you have something really nice that you think folks you know might be interested in. Keep it low-key! A simple photo and a "Hey everyone, we are selling the kitchen table and chairs for $200, let me know if you want first crack at it" and see if anyone bites. I have seen everything from televisions to couches being sold this way between friends, but BEWARE, you are selling to people you will deal with everyday, make sure you are confident that your items are worth what you are selling them for so the buyer doesn't end up disappointed and comes back looking for you (and they will).

Free Range Ian

As I sit here contemplating my computer screen, I can hear my children in the next room. Our oldest, Ian, is doing his homework, our youngest, Katie, is thundering around the room with the dog. I love both of my children more than life itself, but my first born has been occupying my thoughts heavily these last couple days.

Ian Helping to Fly Plane on Vacation

As Ian grows, both in height and experience, I often have other mothers compliment him on his maturity and resourcefulness. "What are you doing?" they ask, "How do you get him to behave so well?" I figured that it is about time that I let the cat out of the bag in regards to my unusual parenting approach.

Drum-roll please.............I leave him the heck alone.

That's it, it's that simple.

Ian preforming in front of entire school

I know that many of you, especially those with younger chicks at home (Ian is 11) will feel an immediate knee-jerk reaction to such advice. "But wait!" you cry, "I have been reading baby books, surfing the Internet for behavior tips and subscribing to parenting magazines since little Junior was born!" "I have to nurture his every moment, I need to make sure he is self-actualized and is playing with the approved nuro-science organic toys and expressing his valid emotions in healthy, non-confrontational ways!" I understand why those of you, that resemble loafer-wearing hovercraft more than grounded beings with your own interests, would find this advice hard to swallow. It's like spending a ton of money on new beautiful shoes. You waffle on the purchase, you shop online for the best price, you think about how often you will wear them with what is already in your closet. But then when you finally get them home and they make your feet feel like you have been walking on alcohol-covered coral, you don't want to give up on your conviction since you have so much time and energy already put forth towards your choice.

So those of you that have been directing your kid's every moment for the last decade, pre-chewing their food, choosing their friends and riding to the rescue whenever life does not go their way, will be understandingly hesitant with the following advice: Back Off!

Mr. Hockey

That's right, back off. Your kids will never be able to successfully navigate adult life if you do not let them develop the tools to successfully navigate middle school. My son is a prime example of what this type of parenting can look like. My husband and I are affectionate, playful, understanding parents. We make sure our children know what values we uphold and impart our wisdom, on everything from bullies to homework, enthusiastically and often. Ian has plenty of good friends (there always seems to be a herd of hungry kids at my house), is at the top of his class (all A's & B's), is a great athlete (M.V.P of his hockey team this year) and is polite and respectful 78.3% of the time (which, if you don't have an 11 year old boy, is pretty amazing).

Here is where the different comes in~ we have faith in Ian's choices, judgements and abilities. As a parent, coach and educator, I see people underestimating their children everyday. From the folks that think their 6 year old is incapable of putting their snow pants on, to the dad confronting one of his daughter's friends for hurting her feelings. You are not helping your kids! In actuality, you are hurting them. I know this is a hard one to believe, but if you take a hard look into yourself you will see the nugget of truth lurking at the bottom of this statement. If you yourself are a responsible, hardworking, problem solving adult, it is not because your parents followed you around wiping your nose for you when your were 12. Here are some facts that may shock you (if you have a delicate disposition, you may want to leave the room):

1. My son uses the lawn mover and the snow blower. 
You read that right, my 11 year old son uses power equipment. After you get up from your fainting couch, please realize that it is always under direct supervision with an adult outside with him, but he is out there cutting grass and blowing snow. At my father-in-laws, he even uses the riding lawn mover (one of the big ones with duel lap bars.) I admit the first time I saw my boy come around the corner of the house on the big mover with grandpa and dad walking calmly behind him, I almost stroked out. I felt that "danger!, danger!" mom urge that we all feel, and since I am sure it showed on my face, my husband calmly explained that he had prepped Ian on the danger, safety measures and consequences of using in the mower and then turned him loose in the back acres to practice. He did amazing, calming and coolly navigating around trees and bushes, not a nerve to be seen. Many of you would cry "reckless!" "dangerous!" "absurd!" and to them I would ask, why? I am fully aware of my son's temperament and his level of maturity. I also trust my husband's judgment and that his desire to keep our kids safe is as strong as my own. It also begs the bigger question, if I can't trust my 11 year old with a lawn mower under directly supervision, how in the hell will I be able to trust him with a car when he is 16? Trust and responsibility are not things you can turn on in your kid at 13 with a flip of the switch. Confidence in their abilities and the awesome power of an adult's trust must be planted at a young age and fed throughout adolescence if you don't want to be spending the Disney travel fund on bail.

2. I do not check my son's homework.
Nope, I don't. He just finished it in the other room and put it in his backpack before disappearing downstairs. How is that possible you ask? What if it is incorrect, or he did not understand it, or if his handwriting is awful or his math is off? My answer~ Then he will get a bad grade on it. Ian is 11, not 5. His only job in life right now is school. That is his main responsibility, and pretty soon when hormones start zipping around in that scrawny body of his, the only thing keeping him from flunking out will be the habits and routines that he is developing right now. Ian's homework is Ian's responsibility. It's that simple. I have already passed the 5th grade, so has his father. I am not going to check his backpack for papers, permission slips or homework. I am not going to make sure his library books and tennis shoes get put in there every week. That is not my job as a mother. My job as a mother is to raise a son that is responsible enough to remember to do those things. How do I do that? I let him suffer the consequences of his failures. If he does not do his homework, he will have to deal with the punishment that accompanies bad grades. If he does not understand a concept, a math problem or directions, it is his responsibility to let me know and to ask for help. I will move heaven and earth to make sure Ian understands his work and had the tools he needs to succeed in school, but not by stalking behind him like a bird of prey in a turtleneck. They need to be responsible for things in their lives if you expect them to be responsible kids!

Turkey for Thanksgiving

3. My son knows how to use a deadly weapon.

Practicing with Dad

He hunts, he fishes, he knows that animals must be killed (responsibly) in order for us to have meat to eat and takes great pride on helping to put food on the table for the family. The amount of pride in my son's face after he harvested his first deer set him up to believe in his skills, his ability to practice a craft, and to work hard to successfully gain the trust and admiration of the adults in his life (which is waaaay better than having a mommy that won't let you sleep over at a friend's house because she read an article online about separation anxiety).

1st deer ever

Let me bottom-line it for you~ If you want to grown a mature, responsible man that has the ability to lead others with intelligence and confidence, you need to climb out of your son's pocket, bite your tongue and have some faith in your kid.

Fun at the Re-Store

 Never, Never, Never Underestimate what awesome things await the brave at the Re-Store. While intimidating at first, once you dive headfirst into the dusty rooms, you will be amazed what kinds of things await the trash to treasure lover in all of us. Here are a couple of examples of items that are currently in my home thanks to the re-store, some paint and a little ingenuity.

I collect antique levels since I find their patina heartwarming (nothing is more gratifying than hard work, even someone else's). My largest set has been hung in a corner with L brackets. They now serve as shelves for my antique aluminum platters and other assorted knickknacks. Levels have a natural lip and groove on them which lends them to this purpose quite nicely.

This is a set of wooden full-sized lockers that were torn out of our local Middle School. They were filthy and had the ugliest paint on them imaginable. But for $30, I bundled them home, where they got a good scrub, new paint (robins egg blue on the inside and turquoise and black crackle paint on the outside) and some new handles. Now I have to sleep in front of them every night to keep my friends from stealing them ninja-style when I am not looking.


This charming addition to my daughter's room was an old beat up library cart/chair thing. I loved the wheels and the little wooden seat, so I brought it home for $5. After giving the seat and good sand and stain, I only had to spray-paint the frame a nice spicy pumpkin orange and taa-daa, an unexpected pop of color that you cannot find anywhere else.

Cheap Frame-2-Chalkboard

One of my favorite crafts: take one large ugly frame ( I found my at our local re-store for less than $1), distress and stain the BACK of the frame. Add thin wood coated with chalkboard paint (bought my presses chipboard at our local Home Depot and cut it to size with a saw, chalkboard paint in spray paint form) and antique hardware picked up for pennies ( also at the local re-store). This large beauty hangs in my dining room where I can write quote that I hope will make the kids smarter by osmosis or just holiday messages. Have had so many requests for these from family and friends I am always keeping my eyes peeled for parts, so if you see some crazy dark haired lady obsessed with the backs of picture frames at the store, say hi.

It's For The Birds

 As I continue with my spring cleaning struggles, here are a couple of outside spring cleaning tips from The Family Handyman about cleaning leaves and general gunk out of your gutters this spring and for cleaning out those bird baths that we are dragging out of the shed as the weather warms up. I will defiantly be handing these tips over to my husband while I watch, filled with pride, from the window.



http://www.familyhandyman.com/diy-projects/cleaning/interior-cleaning/clever-cleaning-tips#step4

My Shelf Ah-Ha Moment

File this under "Why Didn't I Think of That?!" ideas. 

If you are like me, you need shelving in your life, for everything from clothes closets to the linen cupboard. I inherited wire shelving with my home, which, while functional, is less than aesthetically pleasing. As I clean out my shelves for spring cleaning this year, paring down what will go back onto the shelves is the easy part. Keeping what I put back looking nice and neat is the kicker. Check out this link, which has one of the best solutions that I have seen so far. As I replace the wire shelving in my home, I will be hanging my new shelves upside down. This results in the brackets of the shelves turning themselves into built in dividers, and attractive ones at that......

Pure (and pretty) genius!



http://www.simplifiedbee.com/2010/03/spring-cleaning-tips-making-your-closet-functional-beautiful.html